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Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub
My, how unsanitary
I'm so happy, oh so happy, I could shout with glee
The thing I've always wanted has finally come to me
Even when I was a boy I used to ask my dad,
"Say, why can't I have one like that?" He'd say, "Go 'way, my lad!"
I felt so small and puny beside the other men
But what could you expect, my friends, 'cause I was only ten
Now Pop said, "If you'll be patient, son, and do your very best
I'll tell you a few secrets and Nature will do the rest"
My father had a thick one, 'twas just as big as this
I used to hide and watch him as he'd flick it at a miss
My uncle had a cute one, it was ooh, so small and thin
And though the men all laughed at him, he'd say, "This thing ain't tin!"
My grandpa had a big one - whoo, wow, was that a beaut
I give you my word of honor, it hung halfway down his suit
It makes no difference what's the size or even if it's colored
Long or short, fat or thin, as long as the thing is solid
As I got a little older, mine started in to grow
Just what it would finally look like I really didn't know
I would nurse it, and pat it, and I'd give it every care
I'd stand before the mirror for hours and just stare
I'd measure it each morning, to me 'twas such a treat
To find that it had grown some, that's a thrill that can't be beat
Now all my work was not in vain, they call me Dapper Dan
I've got a full-grown moustache - today I am a man!
Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub
My, how interesting
Move over, boys…
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